mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

Experiences with friends

Things have been good lately, but I need to remember all the bad times so that I can help those that are going through the things that I went through. It may be painful, but I cannot just pretend I dont know how to help when I know the solution.

 One thing that I have learnt is true self confidence dosent come from seeking knowledge, but rather, doing things that you are capable of as well as humility. You just do anything you can do, and you dont even have to brag about it. The energy of self confidence that comes is powerful and everlasting. It is the energy that allows you to be independent and enables you to trust yourself. For example, you can design webpages, but you just dont want to do it because you are afraid that you will do a very bad job and people will criticize your work. If you do it, you will gain self confidence, especially if you take the criticism in a constructive manner to improve your skill. From there, you gain the ability to trust yourself and self confidence blossoms. Self confidence is not and never the feeling that you are better than others and that you can do what others cannot. That is not self confidence but arrogance. A person who brags a lot actually has no self confidence and is trying to find for a pillar to cling on to by bragging about his or her achievements. A person who has self confidence keeps quiet about them and remains humble.

Friends are always optional in life. You dont have to compromise yourself and your ideas just to mix in with someone. If you find that something about you is driving others away from you, look closer. What kind of people are they? Do you still have friends left despite what happened? if yes, why? what kind of people are these remaining friends and what kind of person are you? If you're the loner, the person who sees and thinks diffrently from people who are around you, why struggle to fit in? Why compromise yourself? Sure, we can make friends with everyone, but dont get too close, and that not everyone is a suitable friend. If you're the friendly type but at the same time isnt too trusting in any friend, then why not make more friends? They wont bring you down because there is no trust, as with trust comes expectations. When you trust a friend, you expect him or her to understand your conditions and be there for you when you need him or her, and when you dont, the expectation is not there and the friend is merely an aquaintance, someone who is there when he or she is, and his or her absence wont be missed at all. 

Friends, although optional are a very huge influence. They can either make or break you. If you find that a friend is constantly making you upset by pressing his or her standards on you and demanding that you follow them, as well as downplaying your achievements, stop contacting this person. He or she will drag you down to your knees. Similarly, a friend who keeps insisting that whatever he or she says is right and whatever you say is wrong can also cause you to be upset. There are also friends who demand trust, with friends like these, always check if they deserve your trust. If not, just tell them why not. There are also friends who would only be nice to you only when you can grant them a favour and at other times treat you badly. There are those who are moody, but take note that if you can bear with their flaring temper, your efforts are not unappreciated as they will realize and know what they have put you through. There are friends who make you happy and lift your mood whenever you talk to them, but make sure you dont get too attached to them. In general, a good friend will always encourage you to be independent and stand on your own two feet, and trust yourself instead of compelling you to trust them and make you feel as if you cant live without them. Be careful if you meet a person who is like this, especially if their intentions are murky and unclear.

A recent post in the LJ Buddhist community reminded me of something that happened to me in the past. The author of the post apparently made some not so nice comments about someone she used to know, and then she got flamed by an anonymus commentor who had said things that hurt her very deeply. She assumed that the anonymus commentor was another friend of hers, but when exposed, the friend of hers maturely explained that the posts were not made by him/her, and that he/she is not confrontational in nature. The poster asked the community on how to deal with it. If you have been following my blog since last year, you'd know that something similiar happened to me, except that the person(s) involved were less matured and the comments were more harsh and painful. I'm not bitter or anything about it, and I do admit it still does hurt a little thinking about it, but what are experiences if I cant use what I have gone through to help people in a similiar situation? That would have been very selfish of me. I dealt with the comments silently, that is by deleting them so that whoever spent all of his or her energy typing those things wasted their energy. If the comments were hurtful and left a deep cut in me, I'd find out why. Is it because they were true? Or is it because that person has decided to take the easy way out and assume about something I said earlier to mean them? If it was true, I'd change myself so that it wasnt true anymore. If the person chose to assume, I'd let that person wallow in his or her assumptions and let him/her "enjoy" the pain and anger that they alone brought to themselves. Rule of thumb: always ask if you think someone may be talking about you instead of assuming and give the benefit of the doubt if he or she refuses to say anything. Honesty and sincerity is always the best policy. If you're directing something at someone and when confronted, always confess. It will save you a lot of trouble later.

Hope this post helps a few people.