mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

my thoughts eau de parfum

It's been a while since i have blogged. I think it has been a very long time since i wrote anything these days. maybe it's due to me being more and more lazy, or somewhat occupied with myself and having depression raining in my life. Or maybe, its perhaps that i have changed to a different direction than i used to be?

my focus seem to be completely be in perfumery and sometimes, manga these days, aside from the occasional spirituality. I know they all point to me trying to escape from something, and the truth is i am. I am trying to forget that i am this loser boy who has no friends and who is dying to lead a life where he has friends to hang out with etc. I tried to change that years ago but right now its back at square one. Its disheartening i know but i do plan to spend more time at the spiritual side of things: it makes me more secure in some way or another. Like the difference between studying for the latest trends and studying for exams: one leads to temporary gain while the other gives more rewards. But somehow i am pushing through at the moment.

Something definitely changed in me that made me less inclined to blog: i have somewhat became a more personal and private person, i dont see much importance in my words unless they can help or change something. Not to mention, i got bored of seeking for attention and getting pity through words even though they were not intended for that, but subconsciously i realized that it was.

So now a few years later, i am still somewhat a loner and people still find it not so comfortable to be around with me. I expect some laughter from some ex-friends, people who no longer what to have anything to do with me but used to be the best of pals. But like a scent, its meant to be enjoyed while it is still there, and memories savored when it no longer is.

I guess this is why i love perfumes: it has the ability to trigger latent memories, emotions and feelings. It can bring you to a distant land or to a special time in your childhood. It can create a presence like no other so that people can remember you by. But the interesting part is: different people interpret the same scent differently. 10 people may have 10 different interpretations about a perfume even though they are technically smelling the same thing. What is so mysterious about scents that they can do so much, yet it is in fact something simple? Maybe i should have been a perfumer instead and start my own line of perfumes that all trigger memories of people and at the same time make them smell like an emperor or something. But it requires a lot of time and training which i dont have time for.

All I have are visions and ideas, but nothing concrete. The idea part is easy, the concrete part is hard.