mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

What would she have done? AKA false positives

I've been meeting a lot of people who babble about positive thinking just because they read one tiny chapter off the Secret, which is basically like telling people that they can play solitare on Windows when you can run Crysis on it because the Secret can be used to achieve bigger things than just to get more money into your big fat bank accounts and/or make that pitiful life of yours more bearable. And no, I'm not against the whole secret thing but I absolutely despise people who think positive by blocking out negatives in their lives, not because it's unbearable but because they lack the guts to deal with anything.

First of all, if you're filled with whiny emo friends, or people who happen to be frustrated and complain a lot, it's not their fault that your life sucks and you're stressed out and thinking negatively blablabla. It's your fault for not doing anything about them. If your mood can go from good to bad just by listening to some random people whining, it's pretty obvious that you have issues and that person happened to have brought it up. So dont blame the person, blame yourself for not facing your issues and causing them to blow up in your face and in the other person's and all the shit that follows. Positive thinking dosent mean potraying yourself to be a nice person when you're a wreck inside, just because you cant really bear to lose all the friends and respect that you get, it means taking the shit as it is and work your way out of that, not avoiding people who "whine" or who are negative. Your friends are negative because you attract those kind of people with your hidden issues. You might think they're hidden but to someone who knows better, they're obvious and using the positive thinking excuse is just plain dumdeedumdum.

Real positive thinking is the ability to keep things in check even if you're in the heart of the shit factory. It means you can still find solutions and follow them all the way through and pull yourself out even if it will hurt to get there. It dosent mean sticking your head into the hole and pretend that everything is okay.

I didint really know what positive thinking was until I remember how she did it. She never backed down from her problems until they were settled. If she is faced with a difficult situation, she would stand her ground and think of the best solution to handle it and then put it into action. She would take into account all the variables and possible outcomes. That is why sometimes I'd ask myself, what would she have done in situation x, and then analyze her problem solving methods to emulate them. If she failed, she always did a post mortem and sometimes would write down to remind herself where she went wrong. She would state who did what wrong but never placed the blame on them because she will then find a solution to overcome that.

now, if I can be like that and wrote a book about it, I'd be rich. because most people I meet are just too dumb to figure this out.

*looks around*

It's tiring to talk to someone about your directions and/or problems mainly because they dont seem to give two hoots about what's happening with you and that they dont know any better. And sometimes they just try to wrestle their way in when in reality all that they see is the surface. I prefer spending time alone more than spending it with people so that is just that. There was a time where I convinced myself that I wanted friends and that I was driving them away, but at the end I did get friends and I still did not feel any better/happy. I still felt empty inside because no, I'm not selling myself, my values and my goals off for friends. I have a purpose in life and its freaking hard to achieve but guess what? the challenge is on and I'm gonna reach that no matter what it takes.

In a way, this blog as become a SVN (one of those systems like SubVersion where code is actually stored and retrived for compilation for the final program) as changes that i am trying to embody and commit gets posted here. And guess what, 99% of what I say here actually materializes. And 2 weeks ago after some internet drama (yes, "nice" people tend to pull those off JUST BECAUSE its the internet, and that they can actually get away with what they do without taking any responsibility by changing their MSN, blocking people and so on but the fact that they did so showed that they're not really nice people) and a friend of mine, also online helped me get past the eventual nervous breakdown I had from all the drama. Something about embodying something that I want to be. So I did.

I think its only fair to say that he's starting to get irritated and shutting me off mentally (and by ignoring my IMs). But hey, at least he didint make a big deal outta everything. he was more matured to keep everything by himself so yea I do give him credit for that although I can feel that due to a certain peinsama in a certain forum the friendship received a significant chasm and I do feel that he actually looks up to that peinsama guy. But here's the thing: the peinsama's guy's niceness can be removed by just a few innocent IMs in MSN when he never said anything about not messaging him. It's not really logical and I believe he's the kind of guy that should be shot in the nuts and head because he basically swayed everyone in that particular forum to believe that I should be avoided. So much for niceities.

I believe he knew perfectly what he was doing although he told everyone he just lost it because i was too annoying at MSN. I knew a secret of his: that he is married by accident through a friend of his.He wanted to keep his martial status a secret so that he could have fun flirting with girls. He was afraid that I would eventually tell everyone about his true status as that would "destroy" his street cred, so he moved on me first by throwing crazy accusations against me and later giving the impression that everyone should avoid me. I wonder how long can he keep this secret before everyone finds out and drops him like a hot potato.

probally in a few months. if I were him, instead of opening a dramatic scene so that the secret wont leak, I would have gotten chummy with "me" and then slowly admit the secret. Then dump "me". Too bad that he isnt as good as me when it comes to planning and execution, else he would have been better than me since he has his way with people...online. Experience shows that people who pathetically depend on online simulation need it as they dont get it offline. So if this guy appears as a nice guy online, but cant take the heat, chances are he is a jerk in person and he depends entirely on the online people to feel better.

but anyways, work is coming up okay although adjusting socially is not exactly easy. There are still alot of social conventions that I am not aware of and am unable to adapt to at the moment. Not easy but guess what? it is challenging myself and it feels okay. Financially, things are very different than expected as expenses keep increasing but I'm coping with it with enough planning....I guess

Ackward moment #689

I'm a fan of flyfm, one of the other radio stations in malaysia that dosent sound like nigga fm (no offense, but too much rap and hiphop makes me edgy and want to pull out a pulp fiction samuel l jackson and binge on KFC), and well it has a more fun and "white" flavour to it. And on top of all that, the DJs were actually funny and their jokes focused on them pranking each other rather than innocent random bystanders, which is why it was really fun to find out that their office is just right next to mine. I wanted to /ninja my way into their studio and say hi to everyone listening to fly fm but the guards stopped me, or rather I was very intimidated by the partyvans outside.

so one day I was getting back from lunch with my collegues and we saw our HOD going out for lunch. A few moments later, a bunch of peeps in the fly.fm tee walked past and one of them was prem (i just happened to read the flyfm blogs for amusement sometimes) and I told my collegues that a fly.fm dj just went past. I really wanted to walk up to him and say 'oh you're the flyfm dj! can I be on your show?' but my bawls shrunk and he looked a bit pissed also so I moved ahead.

I then told my collegues about it and they said "between a DJ and the guy who makes sure that you get paid, who would you wanna approach?"

I just didint know how to react anymore lawl. A kernel panic