mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

Everything will be fine.

Details in Fabric - Jason Mraz with James Morrison

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling on your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way

Hold your own (behind the following verses)
Know your name
Go your own way.

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

--------------------------

Nuff said. I need to heal.

Elise Ashley.

I've finally done it.

Bridges burned with the community of people that would support and cushion me (well, they stopped doing that to me since I was fired from august) so now is the beginning of a new chapter in my life.

They told me that I will not suceed if I leave them, because if I failed with them, I will definetely not suceed on my own. But even if I remained, there wasnt much oppotunities to begin with. The oppotunities were there but I lacked the strength to make use of it. If I could, I would not have ended up where I am now. I'm not going to take any more of their resources for something that will not get up.

I knew if I stayed, I wont exactly progress and I'll get kicked out again. No thanks, it's happened once, I havent even recovered from that episode yet. I'd rather leave before I get kicked out.

My mind has been severely weakened by augusts' episode. It cant hold on nor recover properly. The spiritual bond between me and my spiritual teacher has never been strong or clean. It dosent seem to be possible to clean my bond with him...it feels as though I'm just trying to impress him in a very wrong way by acting in ways that made me hate myself more. I have been told that I am not sincere...but no one can help me on that one and if I remain I still wont be sincere.

The only way for me to learn sincerity is to be out on my own.

Time to act the way I really am...so that I can help myself become someone who doesnt hurt others.

Decisions

When you keep making the wrong ones, its time you stop intellectualizing and start listening to the voice inside.

I'm not happy with what I have decided to go on a few months earlier, that is to hold on to the situation and swallow whatever shit that comes. I like being spiritual, just not the whole 9 yards. It's allright to push myself to the limit, but not when I start cracking, crying and just going on despite me being very unhappy about it.

Enough is enough.

Lets get this straight: If I'm very darned unhappy with doing what I am currently doing even after giving it a try for 2-3 months, and I keep making mistakes and stuff...no matter how much I make myself perfect and guard myself off errors. It's pretty obvious that I'm not meant for what I thought I was. I'm not that matured and no amount of pushing at this time will bring me there.

Because if it did work, I would have been sticking with what i have been doing. Thats not happening. Of course it could have been due to other factors but lets not make excuses.

Being spiritual is supposed to be painful for now but with long term benefits, but I'm not able to hold on. I'm sure I can progress slowly on my own.