mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

old fears

Dear internuts anon, I have a confession.

I have a very, very strong fear of being left out. The whole crew left to a place where I was not invited.

It feels like that bad, red bumpy rash on your crotch whenever you forget to change your underwear after 20 hours. It's annoying.

In any case, I shouldnt really be blogging when I have tons of work to do.

on the horizon

On the contray, my housemates are not as scary as I thought they were. They're actually very nice people. They're like the brothers and sisters I always wanted and need.

the entire community of people at where I work are also like my elder siblings. Some are patient and some are sacarstic and funny, but extremely kind to me. It's a very very nice atmosphere because everyone's sincere....they dont hide what they are. If they're bitchy, they make no attempt to hide it, and if they are rude and straightforward, they dont make any attempts to hide it either. It makes me feel safe because it's a sure sign that they are sincere towards me and everyone else, and it encourages me to be like that too (not being bitchy and sacarstic, but being honest and sincere to everyone, without fear of being rejected or hated.) and it's giving value to my life.

I've made so many mistakes on the way, I've dissapointed these people again and again, but at the same time I also make up for my mistakes and dissapointments. And it's great.

migration

Yep, I'm moving out of my house, although i feel slightly reluctant because its not exactly the most convinient thing to actually do at this time. Lots of things have yet to be completed, and even worse, my housemates are too busy to help me lighten the load. My new room has no furniture at all, not even a bloody desk and I just need a shopping trip before my room is really my room. Now it's more like a mental hospital with the lack of the computer.

For those of you who kinda know me, I'm living with James Long, Chris Ng, Anna Tan and Beng Kooi somewhere in BU6. Anna has moved in but James and Chris has not yet. Beng Kooi is on a business trip to taiwan. I "officially" moved in last night but Anna decided to dissappear. Her car was there but she had just completely dissappeared. Chris was busy. And I'm left alone at 1 Utama to do my shopping and me trying to get home on my own without any help. But anyways, I still managed thanks to someone who would give me a ride. It was really kind of near, I could have asked another friend who was living near there to give me a ride, but then again I dont really wanna be a bother.

Right now I'm having second thoughts about this. My life is really disrupted. I love all the independence and total control of what I do, but having people that just dissappears when their help is needed? I mean, sure I can manage it all on my own, but given the situation yesterday it's going to be a complete nightmare if everyone keeps having a cop-out at everything else.

I definetely need someone to shop for furniture with me in Ikea, because my parents hate that place due to the pricing and poshness, and I do need to do a bit more shopping, but I'm currently working long hours to get things done.

And oh. this is probally my last blog entry, after which I will stick to LJ only as I can no longer afford the hosting for my website and that I dont really have the urge or intrest to blog anymore.

I've kinda revisited some blogs of some really old friends of mine who was nice to me, and there was one in particular who really made me disgusted at her behaviour and selfishness. It seems, that she's more intrested in wallowing in self pity and driving people who care away from here than anything else. She cut off total contact with me when I was clueless to what was going on in her life, and that was also when I needed friends the most.

She's still the same now. And I dont think she will ever change.

And now, for the dramatic effect:

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you'd let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy ghost was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
Its not a cry you can hear at night
Its not somebody who's seen the light
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I know Rufus is gay and all, but his version sounds better than Leo Cohen's.

And no, I didint get this song from Shrek. I didint watch it at all. I found this in the L word's OST instead. Yep. I like lesbians.

But really, Yu Ming and Ruben Tan, if you're still reading my blog, I dedicate this song to you guys. This song kinda reminded me of you guys, really. The lyrics are a bit to understand at first, but if you kinda compare it with how you try to project yourself as, you'll get my drift.