mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

The blog compels me

I may have carbon monoxide poisoning as they fogged my house without any waring and I've eaten quite a lot of the stuff. Ugh. And one of the symptoms involve poor judgement and depression.

watched Ratatoulie last week. It kinda screams to me on what happened to my dreams. I used to be pretty much a dreamer only to wake up in a bed of roses so I decided to destroy all of them. It may sound drastic and all but it definetely made my life easier with less expectations and hope to prance after. But then again, I forgot about what i wanted to do when I grow up, except that I already grew up. That film isnt made of sugary sacharrin choking diabetic hallmark feelgood crap, but rather something that could happen so it kinda shouts out really loud in my face. Tempted me to dream again.

my breathing passage has pretty much cleared, so I'm going asleep.

the sorta comeback post

So what's up lately? lots of work ahead, although I *almost* got employed but didint because I was too retarded at the interview (the job was recommended by a friend and I got all the brutal feedback from him) and....mainly because I gave a very bad impression with my blurness and rusty webdesign skills (I'm a bad webdesigner! boo hoo!) which I will improve in the next few months when my workload of transcribing materials and writing articles get crunched. And then maybe I'd get a job, not as a webdesigner but maybe as a mantainence guy or something. Or get a degree and then get a job. I felt really bad tho, not only because I was such a dork when it came to the interview and all, the boss even gave me a second chance but I screwed up because my head was too saturated to write a nice formal email and instead I came up with a one liner...my friend told me it was pretty rude of me to do so and that I would have gotten it if I was more polite, but with low pay. I could only imagine my friend getting screwed by his friend for getting him an idiot as a potential worker.

ah well, I screwed up. nothing much to do but to learn and try again some other time, although job oppotunities these days are hard to find. And that friend would probally never dare to introduce me to another job again. I feel a bit sad but who else is there to blame? I guess the oppotunity came at a wrong time when I was too saturated to fit in anything else in my mind, so I diidnt pay as much attention as I was expected into an interview. Not to mention that the fact my webdesign skills were crap and I had not samples to show to anyone. Other that writing articles and transcribing talks given by a certain spiritual teacher, and also mantaining a forum by the same spiritual teacher, that's been basically nothing much. And designing websites for the interview, and eventually everything screwed up. I feel kinda funny, the weird kind of funny that you just realized that you sacrificed that much for nothing in the end. But it's no one to blame. I've been neglecting to brush up on my interpersonal skills and creative design skills for quite sometime and prefer to slack off.

That aside, it also means I have a lot of skills that I need to brush up on of I need to land a job or something. And it's going to be a huge learning curve that is probally gonna drive me insane or something. But I'm up for the challenge. There's also a degree that I have been urged to pursue by many people, but i dont think I can pull it off, since it sapped me enough to finish a diploma, either that or that my college hasnt been a good one, but it dosent exactly matter. I'd like to do studies in somewhere other than Malaysia, but I dont want to be far from my spiritual guide for now. I'm finally operating like a normal person now from a selfish, hateful piece of shit and it does feel a lot more better, but yet I need more guidance before I can finally become the person I would like to be. A year ago, my goals seem to be very distant I was still aimlessly drifting about. Now, I feel a lot more stable, but there's still a long way to go. I still need to get a job, but before that finish all my pending work. There's lots. There's still my MCSE Exams. There's still the web designs I promised someone. Transcripts. Articles. and they all take time to prepare. I need money. Although it would be very nice to have fun and study some more, but how can I get a job with just a degree?

And, my final exam is next week. I will need to wrap up my transcripts (which I have done around 60%) by this week and the article within next tuesday. And then study just in time for the exam on thrusday. Then rest or go do something worthwhile after that.

I dont actually have that many things to say now nowadays except for the occasional ramble like this one. So yea, I might close this blog if I decide not to yap about anything.

I LOLed

flurk - your facts are fiction, they offer no conviction. says: <--guy with long hair, happens to be 20+
the lyrics also
the guy looks so gay <--referring to the singer of a local indie band, also with long hair and happens to be 30+

Joey - Apply Some Pressure. says:
it's adapted
he looks like 12 years later

flurk - your facts are fiction, they offer no conviction. says:
HAHAHAHAHAH
EVIL U
HAHAHA
LOL

Joey - Apply Some Pressure. says:
I'm not the one with long hair
now you know why I dont like long hair
lol

flurk - your facts are fiction, they offer no conviction. says:
his face looked gay
not the hair
NOT THE HAIR
mofo

Need I say more?