mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

Heavy Starry Chain

now, for your daily dose of WTF-ness, I present to you tommy heavenly6 cosplaying as snow white

Vampires, apples, and snow white in black.

motivation

Sometimes I get burned out and I ask myself whats my motivation again?

Sometimes, its for money. Spending countless hours doing research and typing just to get paid like 4-5 months later, all for the neverending list of stuff I need to buy. I'd love to own a new computer and maybe a playstation 3 and play the games that I have been missing for so long at long last, but priorities are at my computer as I need to test new stuff for my work as well as catch up on games that I was not able to play. The new rig is gonna cost me around 2K+++++ and I have yet to acheive that amount. Writing is second nature to me but doing it so that it fits around a tight and busy schedule is a very diffrent story indeed. That aside, I'll be getting thru my college. Hopefully by the end of april when I pass every subject I take. 6. bloody. ones. And lets not forget my MCSE exams. Its a nice challenge to me tho, abeilt a little tight. I'm also planning to volunteer to transcribe for an organization or two, something that I always wanted to do. It is about time anyway. Its now or I'd never be able to do it due to my other commitments when I get a job or something.

I'm not gonna wallow in self pity here. Another friend of mine is working and he has more stress than me and he's not complaining...yet because there are two people in his team that motivates him and keeps him going when the times are down. Its something that really touched me to an extent. because it is amazing how someone will put up a brave front in the face of pressure, stress and things not going well, sickness and deadlines just because someone is there for them. I guess now I understand how humans are strong if they can get the right support, and weak if they get the wrong support. To me, I dont really need any support. Just spirituality: the art of becoming a better, more understanding, more tolerant, more honest, more patient, more friendly and a more pleasant human being to everyone else. Be someone who can transform the hearts and minds of people from something bad or neutral to good.

By nature, I'm spiritual. Bad friends, as in friends that would somehow bring me down or cause a negative impact to me seem to distance themselves away from me, although not instantly for some cases but most of them do. And there are good friends who stick to me after a long time of no contact and we'd warm up like the good times. lets face it, the theory that we live to enjoy and be happy all the time is just a lie that the pop culture imprinted. If we're gonna keep expecting the good times, it will be a whole life of pain.

Looking back at the memories, I still remeber how I met a few friends of mine, one lost, two AWOL. I'd really love to re-live those moments but well, everyone seems to be indefinetely busy even in their holidays, and when that ends its classes for them. really no contact at all. Perhaps they've got better friends than me to tend to, but I'm just happy that I got rid of my dependence on friends a while ago because I was just too sick and tired of getting ignored like yesterday's magazine, that I was only good for the moment and I am not anymore. And that is why, I dont dare to use any more humans as my motivation, no matter how good they seem. Although that seems to be the motivation for everyone else. Maybe if I was me last year, I'd hold these memories close to heart. But me now is too cynical to do that. Lost hope, the heart says. There was a close friend whom I have no contact for a year who suddenly messaged me again. It gave me some kind of warmth and hope. I had to warn her about a very harmful person whom I used to know who is around her tho. Wasnt exactly something I'd want to do, but this friend of mine the last thing she needs is more drama and backstabbing.

Each and every person I meet, whether or not they are people who hurt me or my friends, I treasure them like a teacher or a lecturer that was extraordinary in their teaching methods, who taught something extra, precious and relevant in my life. That is how it is and that is how it is going to remain in my heart.

Getting in line

Okay. So I will have 5 exams and 6 subjects and their exams = 11 exams to handle this sem. I did 7 the last one, so I hope I can repeat history.

I'm going to need to skip a few classes for the 5 external exams and um, just go gung ho about the rest. I really need to bloody finish everything by this semester. I'm sick of studying for now, really. Just want to get over it. Slightly stressed now, but still sane.

I'm getting happier nowadays. Friend or no friends, its the same and I still get happy because I'm more secure I hope.

Really, nothing much to say nowadays. Because I dont really have anything to say. Things that I go thru seems to be pretty mundane. Like everyone says: who cares? Its not of importantce anyway.

i will blog when there is something intresting to dicuss. till then.

so yea

I guess this is a long overdue blogpost. I'm a little bored lately after attending classes and exams. And anyway, I think my blog should be updated, at least for now. blogging seemed to be something unimportant to me of late.

things have been pretty upbeat around, but of course with good things comes the bad ones. When you found your path, and when people around seem to try to rip you away from it. You know they're just being honest and frank from their point of view and they do make sense. You find wonderful people who inadvertently assume things about you and you're just too tired to correct them because you dont see a point and they'll be too stubborn. You chose that path because you do not exactly have a choice and need some assistance, tho you sincerely wish to be able to do it without help.

But generally, life has been pretty much satisfying so far. learnt a lot. lost a lot and enjoyed a lot. I'm bored of life tho. Everyday it's just like some kind of weird online game that is both addictive and boring at the same time because you have to keep doing the same thing to "be sucessful in life" and it just feels so meaningless sometimes.

maybe I'll make a radical decision one day. who knows?

less than jake - rest of my life

I fell asleep last Saturday
Underneath polluted skies
I walked alone on those Jersey nights, and I
Saw the boardwalk start to fall
The emptiness starts to drown
The quiet corners off this town, and I...
Late last night, I made my plans
It was the only thing I felt I could do
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth

It's gonna kill me: The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life

This is my all time low
Somehow it feels so familiar
Somehow it seems so familiar
I feel like letting go
And every second that goes by
I'm screaming out for a second try
Said goodbye, to my best friend
Sometimes there's no one left to tell you the truth

It's gonna kill me: The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
I've got to live with them the rest of my life

This is the mess I've made
These are the words I can't erase
This is my life support, shutting down, for the final time
And it twists like a blade
And kills me for the rest of my life

If you won't forgive me
The rest of my life
Let me apologize while I'm still alive
I know it's hard to face all of my past mistakes
It's gonna kill me for the rest of my life...