mindcandy pennies from the overgenerous lunatic

Allright still

And as for the last post, i guess it is because i am making major changes to my mind at the moment, changing the way i look at things and learning new ways to process information around me so that it becomes a lot more efficient and to the results that others are expecting on me. It's like venturing to unfamiliar territory but it is all good, at least from how i see it as.

So I guess i had a bout of paranoia, which is actually nothing more than a job offer from an ex colleague friend of mine who is currently working in a multinational company. She told me to apply at her company as she knew that i wanted something more than just my current work.

her: eh join my company la, its a huge MNC you know. who knows if you could meet ur next gf there?
me: hmmm
her: just join la! challenge urself!
me: its an employee get employee scheme isnt it?
her:........well i do get paid la

and after some searching, i found out that it is indeed a huge MNC who is hiring consultants in any field at all en masse. i thought i'd give it a go. So i sent my resume over that friend and sadly she says she only plans to send my resume over after CNY. Apparently, the company expects their company to work very, very hard, as evident by my friend's neverending work schedule as well as reports from people who have worked in there before. since i discovered that i like to talk and present things now, this should be headed in the correct direction and who knows its a place where i would want to build my career up with? I'd say i'm giving it a go.

In other news, i met another colleague who actually turns out to be a cell group leader in his church. and his last day was today. we had a good chat over lunch the other day and i do find him quite an interesting character. If he was not resigning i'd be lunching with him everyday (currently lunching with a guy who also helps out with his church ministry, they have more insightful things to say rather than the usual boring banter of a) made up world news and speculations or b) nerdy stuff or c) things that i have no idea of) and it's a very interesting learning experience to learn about another person's dedication into spirituality that seem to enhance and enrich my own experiences and perhaps help me to improve myself further. It's sort of an express way to learn from others.

After all, 2009 has been a good year to me but perhaps i need to take things a little further and kick it up a few notches with the job thingy and also to restructure my personal life. It's gotten quite happening but over the year i have also learnt that colleagues =/= friends. Colleagues are just colleagues and if 1-2 crossover to be personal friends, great! whoo hoo! but else, keep a distance and personal life out of the office. I'm not deleting all my colleagues, but if i ever join the new company, i will wipe off my FB and start anew as i have added too many random and strange people as well as too many colleagues. no doubt after my resignation they should have contact with me through my MSN and gtalk, but i can just delete anyone who dosent wanna talk to me and it allows me to keep things simple that way.

now that i have restructured my life, the blogposts should come trickling back, perhaps 1-2 posts every few weeks. Because i do have more stories to come.

that feeling

Somehow, i'm getting a certain feeling of dread, that i'll have to give up everything soon.

that i'll be on a very far and long journey and there will be no turning back. i have no idea whats gonna happen, or if i can do anything at all.

i wish this feeling would go away but i guess if Death does come, i'll be prepared this time around. Looking forward for my next blogpost if it ever comes

New Challenges

I guess its just not meant to be because i was told to quit my current job immediately to rejoin the organization as a full time staff, but just as that begun someone spreaded malicious rumors against me, and stated that it was a fact based on pure speculation alone and also seeing only what they want to see and caused everyone else to believe that it was true. I believe that it was a little too obvious of the people's intentions, that they do not want me back, and some friends from there that still do care were dissapointed, but as much as i want to repay their kindess and all of their efforts poured on me, i do not want to be amongst people who would not bat an eye on the welfare of others, as long as their own agenda was fulfilled. People marketed them as being improved and transformed, but from those actions of theirs, it was obvious that they are still their old selves. Obviously, i still do want to work in there but it seems that this is not the right moment.

I'm making it a mission in life to repay the kindness of the Spiritual Leader in any way possible, who's helped me break out of my self created prison as well as loving and caring people who really helped me out and taught me the warmth of humankind (as well as the not so good parts). I failed to do it at this opportunity but like everything else, it has to be worked towards. And i'll prove all those nasty rumors against me wrong. Because i know my goal in life.

You can say i feel empty right now, but i prefer to see it as a challenge to myself, after all its because of wrong PR moves that i ruffled up the feathers of the people in there, leading to them hating me and getting a very bad and almost unchangeable impression of me. So i gotta let things cool down a bit and see what happens. I do know that they're now doing more hands-on work, which is an improvement and i am honestly happy for them, but by their recent actions, its been dissapointing, so to speak as it dosent take much to see through their intentions or mine. Besides, my mind hasnt stabilized to the level required to do more work in the organization..

But on other things, work is being work, the way it is supposed to be. I am now learning how to create JSP pages from scratch at work with lots of support from colleagues. It's starting to blossom and i get to really learn something new instead of doing routine work everyday...its fun but the pay is too low to survive these days..its considered good but i wanna find something with more freedom and less routine...maybe freelance journalism? get to show up once a month at the office while the rest of the days are spent interviewing people and seeing things? Oh well, the more the experience, the more its gonna help build and stabilize my mind.

As for now, my personal life has more friends now. Its less lonely and i'm finally learning to live and juggle what life is about. Just had a very nice and fulfilling dinner with Syafiq, who has returned to Malaysia for a short holiday after studying in Australia and Louis, his good friend which used to be his neighbor.

anyway, come what may this year bring, but i will make the best of it, as its still up to me. Tommorow's gonna be busy tho -- 3 places to go, limited energy. haha time to guzzle the red bulls

Oh hi

yeps its been 2 months since i updated my blog but i feel that now is the time to update it or something.

firstly, i had an accident right after my last blogpost. 3rd of june. Ironically it was also the same day that i have to renew my car insurance for the first time. However i guess it just reinforces the epithet that accidents do happen. But insurance helped to cover the costs, although i had to survive public transport for a whole month. so now that that's over and done with, life seems to go smoother after that. Hmm.

anyways, life is going great now as things go on the way i have planned it to be and also the way that i want it to be. Expectations lowered, problems solved, big picture getting more complete every day so i believe i can lead and manage my life the way she did and achieve her level in many things. It's exhausting at the current moment but i am sure i will be able to relax a little once everything settles down a little bit more, especially on the financial side.

more opportunities seem to beckon and i am trying to fill in those availabilities. not gonna be easy but what is.

Plus i love the thrill of the hunt.